Exclusive: Bretman Rock Announces First Memoir, 'You're That Bitch,' and He's Not Holding Anything Back

Bretman Rock has always been real, whether on social media or his reality shows, but this might be his most personal project yet. And no, you probably haven’t heard of it, because Cosmopolitan is exclusively revealing that Bretman is releasing his first-ever memoir!

Bretman will add “author” to his seemingly never-ending bio thanks to his new book, and you’ll absolutely want to pick it up for a peek into the life of the influencer, mogul, icon, makeup genius, etc.

You can check out the book cover for You’re That Bitch & Other Cute Lessons About Being Unapologetically Yourself above, and that’s not all! We also have an exclusive excerpt from the book. But if you want a synopsis first, here’s a little more about what you can expect directly from HarperCollins:

Mark your calendars, because Bretman’s book will officially be released on February 14, 2023.

Before you run to preorder Bretman’s memoir, don’t miss out on an exclusive excerpt of You’re That Bitch, below. Happy reading!

An Excerpt From You’re That Bitch & Other Cute Lessons About Being Unapologetically Yourself
By Bretman Rock

A Cute Intro

Growing up in the Philippines, I loved watching my grandma Lilang get ready for church. I’d lie on her fainting couch, mesmerized by her creative choices, like which of her three lipsticks she’d choose (usually auburn) and how she’d style her kinky hair with bangs. One magical morning before church, when I was four, she came over to me and put the tiniest amount of red blush on my cheeks. It was the very first time makeup ever touched my skin. I literally went to church feeling like a girl. It was the first time I fell in love with vanity. It was the first time I ever felt like that bitch.

Without even realizing it, my grandma had given me my superpowers.

Since that herstorical day, I’ve immigrated to Hawaii from the Philippines, become a digital superstar, and have figured out how to just be unapologetically me. My impulsive, spontaneous posts— taken while beating my face, donning corsets and pearls, working out, unboxing, eating breakfast cereal, jumping off my roof, whatevah the day may bring— are watched by millions globally and have led to some of my wildest dreams coming true. Like creating a makeup line with Wet n Wild that sold out in minutes. Or sitting front row at Fashion Week, and making award-winning shows. I’ve been a model for Nike and a cover girl for Playboy. I’ve done commercials with Lizzo. SZA and Ariana Grande follow me on social media. I got to meet RiRi. Thinking about all these accomplishments could make me cry— I won’t, though, because crying just makes me look so damn ugly.

Are you thinking, Who does this bitch think he is . . . Beyoncé? Girl, I may be writing this book at only twenty-three, but I’ve got stories to tell. For the last eight years I’ve shared so much of myself on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. But on social media I’m a curated brand— I don’t have time to show off my full self, or to explain who I really am in addition to the jokes and glamour. So you probably know Bretman Rock the comedian and extrovert who pole dances and calls everybody “bitch,” but you don’t really don’t know Bretman Sacayanan. These Bretmans are two different people, but they are both 1,000 percent me. And we’ve both lived lifetimes already. The essays you’re about to read are totally fresh, sort of like my mom’s vagina shampoo but even more tingly—they’re about being a queer first- generation Asian immigrant, who just happens to be Da Baddest content creator of all time.

I’m gonna talk more in depth about growing up in the Philippines, all of the Filipino cultural traditions and superstitions in-grained in me from an early age, being left behind with my dad when my mom and siblings moved to Hawaii, and how I learned how to speak English and become an entertainer by watching reality shows like A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and America’s Next Top Model. And obviously, a big part of who I am is about being genderqueer (I mean, did you see my Playboy cover?). I have lots to say about it, and I hope it will not only help other LGBTQ+ people but also open the hearts, minds, and eyes of my straight fans. Let’s make one thing clear right off the bat: I identify as a human-fucking- being. I’ve always been a divine blend of masculine and feminine— so if I look like a lesbian after a bicep-bulging workout, call me he, but if I’m in full makeup wearing a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt and barrettes, call me she. I don’t mind, I’m cute either way! (Maybe I should just make my own gender at this point . . . I am a Bretman.)

I’m very proud of being LGBTQ+ and Filipino, so it’s an honor to be a pretty face for both underrepresented communities. Plus, Asian Americans and Asian immigrants are increasingly facing hate and violence, so I’m passionate about helping create more positive visibility for us— especially for brown Asians—I n entertainment, beauty and fashion. I want to make all of my communities proud— native, immigrant, Filipino, Hawaiian.

People often ask me what my beliefs are, and the answer is simple: I believe in myself, duh! I mean, I also believe in family, and my heritage. Like I may curse like a motherfuxin’ bitch, but I also embody the Aloha Spirit, which is carefree, kind, spiritual, and peaceful. Back to myself: I went from living in a house with twenty-five people to owning my own home on the island of Oahu. I am the American Dream and I made it happen by hustling my whole life. I’ve been an entrepreneur since I was a toddler, and all of the little businesses I started as a kid— from selling feather earrings plucked straight off my cousin’s cockfighting chickens to using makeup to cover up all the girls’ hickeys in high school—led to my success and prepared me for this wild-ass life I created.

And what’s a celebrity memoir without spilling some iced matcha latte about dating—I’ll tell you about how I lost my virginity at Disneyland, about being scared of white penises, and about falling in and out of love for the first time, stuff I’ve never talked about publicly. [Programming note: 99.9 percent of the stories I tell are true but some names have been changed to protect those bitches]. Like, how one of my biggest accomplishments and blessings in life was not fucking anyone from my high school— I didn’t date anyone the entire four years. Do not shed tears of pity for me (even if you’re a cute crier)! While my classmates were busy getting STDs, I was busy becoming Bretman Rock.

You’re That Bitch reflects all sides of me: I am Bretman Rock, the entertainer and an extrovert, but sometimes I also just wanna be Bretman Sacayanan in my crop top and shorts, eating my chicken unbothered. I’m just an ordinary gorl— at the same time, I’m also that bitch every minute, meaning I’m always authentically me. Sometimes I’m lazy, I get bored, I get scared, I feel ignored, I feel happy, I get silly, I choke on my own words. I’ve literally been diagnosed with ADHD, so like my videos and my mind, my book is organized chaos, visually gorgeous (of courz), and packed with essays, anecdotes, journal entries, and advice from my life that I want to pass on to you. Give me any topic, and I’ll tell you a funny story in the way only I can. But bitch, my stories also have depth.

The full Bretman is not only what the internet sees—there are so many different sides to me. Like how I’m smarter than people think. I love learning new things and trying everything at least once. Most of all, I don’t like labels, and I refuse to be pigeonholed. At the end of the day, I’m thankful for every day and every chance I get to share my light with the world— whichever facet of Bretman might be shining brightest at any given moment. So even if you’re not also a genderqueer Asian influencer, I think you’ll relate to my stories. These essays are about not fitting in but learning how to not give a fux, how to exude effortless confidence and win people over with charm and humor, being authentic and original, and turning your fantasies into reality the Bretman Rock way—that is, doing the least while looking the most. I want you to learn how to stop and smell the flowers and just realize: Wow, I’m that bitch too.

Okay, I’m gonna go write about Jollibee in my journal, and get sweaty, stoned, and emotional. I hope you enjoy You’re That Bitch. And if you don’t, you can always eat a dick. I’m just kidding. I hope you have a cute day!

Copyright © 2023 by Bretman Rock. From You’re That Bitch & Other Cute Lessons About Being Unapologetically Yourself, by Bretman Rock. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers.

You’re That Bitch & Other Cute Lessons About Being Unapologetically Yourself, by Bretman Rock will be released on February 14, 2023. To preorder the book, click on the retailer of your choice:

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