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Singer Sophie Ellis-Bextor has shared an extract from her new book where she claims she was raped when she was 17 by a 29 year old musician after going to his flat.
The now 42 year old shared an extract from her book, Spinning Plates, with The Daily Mail and reveals she was left feeling “stupid” and “ashamed” following the incident.
The Murder on the Dancefloor singer says she wanted to give her 17 year old self “a voice” and this story was the one she wrote first when writing the book.
She doesn’t name the musician and refers to him as “Jim” in the book.
Sophie explains how she met him at an after-show party and the pair started talking.
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She said: “I mentioned I was doing A-level history and he said: ‘I did history. Would you like to come back to my flat and see my history books?’ Probably the lamest chat-up line in the world, but I went in a taxi with him back to his flat.
“Let’s call him Jim, shall we? Once back at the flat, Jim actually did show me his history books. I found myself putting one about Napoleon III in my bag. I kept it for a while afterwards, but seeing it always made me feel sad and used.
“You see, Jim and I started kissing and before I knew it we were on his bed and he took off my knickers. I heard myself saying ‘No’ and ‘I don’t want to’, but it didn’t make any difference.”
She continued: “He didn’t listen to me and he had sex with me and I felt so ashamed. It was how I lost my virginity and I felt stupid.
"I remember staring at Jim’s bookcases and thinking: 'I just have to let this happen now'.”
The mum of three describes how “dazed” she felt afterwards.
She said: “After it was over, I lay on the bed feeling odd, trying to process what had just happened. He fell asleep and I slept, too, not really knowing how to get myself home in the middle of the night.
“I woke up after a short while and I can remember angrily picking up my clothes from the floor while saying to myself, ‘I said “No” ’. I went and sat in his kitchen, watching TV, feeling dazed.
“After a while, Jim came into the room. ‘Oh, I didn’t think you’d still be here,’ he said. Again, I felt stupid. I didn’t know I was supposed to have left. I didn’t know I was supposed to just go afterwards.”
The singer continued: “On the way home I wondered if everyone else on the Tube could tell what had happened to me. I felt grubby, but also unsure about my own feelings as I had no other experience to compare it with.”
Sophie also talks in the book about why she has decided to share this now and why at the time she “didn’t believe she had a case”.
She said: “I have thought so much about why I wanted to write about this. My life is happy now and I would not say that I felt overly traumatised at the time, and yet I feel as if the culture that surrounded me – the things I saw and read and the way sex was discussed – made me believe I didn’t have a case.
“My experience was not violent. All that happened was I wasn’t listened to. Of the two people there, one said yes, the other said no, and the yes person did it anyway.
“The older I’ve become, the more stark that 29-year-old man ignoring 17-year-old me has seemed.”
Spinning Plates by Sophie Ellis-Bextor is out on October 7.
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